my unforgettable summer vacation
last summer, i went to my grandparent's village. it was so much fun than i thought it would be. there were so many trees, and the air was so fresh, it felt like breathing in happiness. my cousin, sam, and i decided to catch butterflies. we ran around with nets, but we didn't catch any. we laughed so hard, our stomachs hurt, and that made the day perfect.
one day, we went to the river nearby. the water was cool, and it had lots of pebbles at the bottom. i wanted to swim, but sam said he couldn't swim, so i taught him. it took a while, but he finally got it. i felt like a superhero teaching someone how to swim!
at night, we'd sit outside under the stars, telling stories. i told him about the planets and the constellations, but i mixed up some facts, like saying mars was the closest planet to the sun. i guess i need to study more!
we also helped grandma in the garden. i accidentally broke a pot while watering the plants. grandma didn't get angry; she just smiled and said accidents happen. i learned that even mistakes can teach us something.
老師評(píng)語(yǔ)：
這篇作文生動(dòng)地描繪了作者的暑假經(jīng)歷，展現(xiàn)了鄉(xiāng)村生活的樂(lè)趣和親情的溫馨。然而，存在一些小錯(cuò)誤和表達(dá)上的不嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)。例如，對(duì)天文知識(shí)的誤解，以及在描述游泳教學(xué)時(shí)的語(yǔ)言稍顯混亂。
內(nèi)容亮點(diǎn)：
文章中的個(gè)人敘事富有生活氣息，尤其是與表弟在河邊學(xué)習(xí)游泳的情節(jié)，體現(xiàn)了成長(zhǎng)和互助的主題。另外，夜晚講故事的部分也富有詩(shī)意，展現(xiàn)出鄉(xiāng)村夏夜的美好。
優(yōu)化參考：
在描述天文知識(shí)時(shí)，可以更準(zhǔn)確些，比如：“我告訴sam關(guān)于行星的知識(shí)，盡管我有些混淆，誤認(rèn)為火星是最接近太陽(yáng)的行星。這讓我意識(shí)到，即使是熟悉的話題，也需要不斷學(xué)習(xí)和確認(rèn)?！?/p>
在描述澆水時(shí)打破花盆的情節(jié)，可以改為：“我在澆水時(shí)不小心打翻了一個(gè)花盆，那一刻我感到尷尬，但奶奶的寬容讓我明白了犯錯(cuò)也是學(xué)習(xí)的一部分?！?/p>
批改后作文
last summer, i visited my grandparents' idyllic village. the surroundings were enchanting, with lush trees and crisp air that seemed to embody joy. my cousin, sam, and i embarked on a butterfly-catching adventure, darting around with nets, yet our efforts proved futile. our laughter, echoing through the fields, turned an ordinary day into an extraordinary one.
at the nearby river, we found solace in the cool waters and the bed of pebbles beneath. eager to swim, sam admitted his inability. thus, i took on the role of a mentor, guiding him through the process. it was a patient endeavor, but seeing him finally glide through the water filled me with a sense of accomplishment.
under the starlit sky, we'd share tales. while narrating the wonders of the universe, i mistakenly claimed mars as the planet nearest to the sun. this slip-up served as a reminder that even familiar topics warrant further exploration.
in the garden, accidents were inevitable. one day, i accidentally toppled a pot while tending to the plants. grandma's understanding smile taught me that errors often hold valuable life lessons.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
為了提升寫作水平，建議多閱讀《夏洛的網(wǎng)》以學(xué)習(xí)生動(dòng)的敘事技巧，同時(shí)研讀《地球科學(xué)》以了解天文知識(shí)，以及《生活中的智慧》來(lái)理解生活中的教訓(xùn)和成長(zhǎng)。通過(guò)這些閱讀材料，你的作文將更加豐富和準(zhǔn)確。
相關(guān)詩(shī)句
1. 伯鸞長(zhǎng)嘯出東都，來(lái)卜龍邱二畝居。千歲仍昆作英語(yǔ)，五噫文采尚周馀。胸中萬(wàn)卷未得力，堂下一言誰(shuí)識(shí)渠。我亦微官方冷甚，恨無(wú)燕玉可相噓。
