once upon a time, in the bustling city of dreamscape, i had a friend named alex. he was not like any other friend; he had this uncanny knack for making even the dullest days seem vibrant. his laughter was as contagious as a summer flu, and his smile could light up the darkest corners of the world.
alex was always there, whether it was climbing trees on sunny afternoons or staying up late discussing our wildest dreams. we'd spend hours debating over which superhero had the coolest powers, and alex would argue that it was spiderman, simply because he could shoot webs from his wrists. i'd counter with batman, insisting on his gadgets and intelligence. our arguments were endless, but they never once turned sour.
one day, we decided to build a fort in alex's backyard. it wasn't the most sturdy structure, with its crooked sticks and mismatched blankets, but it was our little sanctuary. that's where we shared secrets, whispered stories, and pretended to be knights defending our kingdom. the堡壘wasn't perfect, but it held within it countless memories, each one more precious than the last.
there was a time when alex got into trouble for breaking his mom's vase while trying to catch a butterfly. he was so sorry, his eyes filled with tears. but instead of scolding him, his mom hugged him tight, saying, 'accidents happen, my boy. what matters is that you learn from them.' that lesson stuck with me, teaching me the value of forgiveness and learning from mistakes.
however, there were moments when alex's words didn't quite make sense. like the time he said, 'the moon is like a giant cheese ball in the sky, and stars are its craters.' it was a funny analogy, but not entirely accurate. or when he insisted that plants sleep at night, which, well, isn't entirely false but not how he explained it. these quirks made him endearing, a reminder that perfection isn't necessary for being loved.
as we grew older, life took us on different paths. alex moved away, and our days of forts and superhero debates became distant memories. but whenever i look up at the moon, i still think of that giant cheese ball, and the laughter we shared under its glow.
老師評語：
本文生動地描繪了作者與朋友a(bǔ)lex之間的深厚友誼，語言雖然略顯單薄，但充滿了童趣和真摯的情感。部分比喻和表達(dá)稍顯不準(zhǔn)確，如'moon is like a giant cheese ball'，但這種不嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)反而增加了故事的趣味性。
內(nèi)容亮點(diǎn)：
1. 描述了與朋友的日?；?，如爭論超級英雄，構(gòu)建堡壘，富有生活氣息。
2. 通過小事展現(xiàn)了人物性格，如alex對錯誤的態(tài)度，揭示了成長和寬容的主題。
優(yōu)化參考：
文章結(jié)尾部分可以更深入探討離別后的情感變化，如何影響了作者的視角，以增強(qiáng)深度。
批改后作文
my friend
in the vibrant city of dreamscape, i had a friend named alex, whose infectious laughter and radiant smile could transform even the dreariest of days. our friendship was filled with tree-climbing escapades and深夜對話about fantastical superheroes. alex championed spiderman's web-shooting abilities, while i defended batman's intellect and gadgetry – our disagreements were endless yet always lighthearted.
our backyard fort, a haphazard masterpiece of twigs and blankets, symbolized our shared adventures. there, we whispered secrets, imagined ourselves as knights, and cherished every moment. once, alex accidentally shattered his mom's vase while pursuing a butterfly, but instead of reprimanding him, she embraced him, teaching us about forgiveness and growth.
as adolescence approached, alex moved away, and our childhood fantasies began to fade. yet, the moon still reminds me of his imaginative comparison – a giant cheese ball in the sky. those memories, though tinged with nostalgia, have shaped my perspective, reminding me of the importance of friendship, creativity, and embracing imperfections.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
1. 《小王子》：探索友情和想象力的深度。
2. 《哈利·波特》系列：描繪深厚的友誼和成長的歷程。
3. 《安妮日記》：展示在困境中保持樂觀和友誼的力量。
