title: my mooncake festival
it was the mid-autumn festival, and i was so excited because it's one of my favorite festivals. we celebrate it by eating mooncakes and admiring the full moon with our family. mooncakes are delicious, they're like round pies with sweet fillings inside, and they come in different flavors, like red bean or lotus seed. my mom made some homemade ones this year, and they tasted heavenly!
that day, my brother and i decorated our balcony with colorful lanterns. it was a bit tricky, as the wind kept blowing them away, but we managed to hang them up. then, we sat down together, looking at the big, bright moon. it looked like a giant cheese ball in the sky, shining brightly upon us. i wondered if people on the moon could see us too.
dad told us a story about chang'e, the moon goddess. he said she flew to the moon after drinking an elixir of immortality. i always find that story fascinating, but sometimes i wish she could come down and share some mooncakes with us.
after that, we had a family game night. we played 'guess the shape,' where we drew shapes on paper and others had to guess what they were. it was hilarious when my brother drew a triangle and said it was the moon! it wasn't the most accurate, but it made us all laugh.
the next day, we went to the park for a lantern parade. there were so many beautiful lanterns, shaped like animals, flowers, and even cartoon characters. it was a magical sight, like a dreamland under the moonlight.
老師評語：
this essay showcases a childlike enthusiasm for the festival, with vivid descriptions and personal experiences. however, there are a few areas for improvement. in the second paragraph, the sentence 'they're like round pies with sweet fillings inside' is correct but sounds a bit formal. also, the transition between the game night and the lantern parade could be smoother.
內(nèi)容亮點(diǎn)：
the narrative is engaging, particularly the part where the brother draws a triangle and claims it's the moon, revealing a playful family dynamic. the author's personal connection to the festival is evident.
優(yōu)化參考：
the description of mooncakes could be more imaginative, like 'mooncakes are like tiny, delectable worlds, their rich fillings hiding within their golden crust.' to improve the transition, you might add, 'the following day, still buzzing from our family fun, we ventured out to join the community in a lively lantern parade.'
批改后作文
title: a moonlit family affair
the mid-autumn festival arrived, and my heart danced with joy, as it's a celebration i eagerly anticipate. mooncakes, resembling tiny, delectable worlds with their rich fillings hidden within golden crusts, are the stars of the feast. mom's homemade creations were pure bliss on the palate, each bite a symphony of flavors.
my brother and i transformed our balcony into a festive haven, adorned with fluttering lanterns. despite the mischievous wind, we triumphantly hung them high. under the moon's watchful gaze, we sat, mesmerized by its luminous glow. i often fantasize about whether the moon's inhabitant, chang'e, could witness our merriment from afar.
dad regaled us with the tale of chang'e, the moon goddess, who soared to lunar solitude after imbibing an elixir of eternity. her story always captivates me, and i can't help but imagine sharing our mooncakes with her.
our family game night followed, filled with laughter. during 'guess the shape,' my brother playfully sketched a triangle, claiming it as the moon, leaving us in stitches. his innocent interpretation added a delightful touch to the evening.
the next day, we ventured to the park for a lantern parade. a sea of glowing wonders—lanterns in the shape of creatures, blooms, and even beloved cartoon characters—transformed the park into a nocturnal wonderland. it was a magical spectacle, as if we stepped into a dream beneath the moon's gentle light.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
for enhancing your writing, consider reading "the tale of the moon festival" by grace lin, which beautifully captures the essence of the mid-autumn festival. additionally, studying descriptive techniques in classic children"s literature, such as "where the wild things are" by maurice sendak, can aid in creating more imaginative and engaging narratives. exploring various sentence structures and transitions in "the cat in the hat" by dr. seuss can also help refine your storytelling skills.
